I have been feeling stuck lately, I’ve been writing and applying and working and making lists and planning but not making anything. I am feeling restless, like there is some place to be and some way to go there and I must have missed the memo.
I have accomplished amazing things in the past year of which I am so proud. I produced a week-long intergenerational camp exploring what our Dream Job could be with a Queens Girl Scout Troop. I won Iron Chef Flux (a previously unknown Dream Job). I am being called to different residencies and opportunities in New York and beyond. I co-created a New York Fashion Week pop-up custom Boutique (including a photo in the New Yorker Magazine’s Instagram Feed, which basically means I’m famous right?) I sold quilts in a major exhibition. I taught a million kids how to sew.
But what’s next!? What’s the deal with this PowerSuit thing anyway — does it actually make a difference or change the world or make people feel awesome? Am I a workshop leader? A custom clothing designer? A kids teacher? A radical social change-er?
If I spend 8 hours a day sewing weird clothes and costume, is that any more valuable than if I spend 8 hours filling out spreadsheets (what I assume people who get paid lots more than myself do lots of their day), or if I spend 8 hours teaching sewing (what I actually get paid to do), or if I spend 8 hours cleaning my room (which will mentally sustain me), or if I spend 8 hours cooking amazing food or doing yoga (that will physically sustain me)? None of these have any real logic or sense behind their value. It doesn’t really matter.
For whatever reason, right now, I love making clothes. I love making weird costumes, wearable sculptures, objects that people put on their bodies and walk through their lives inside. I love the intimacy, the everyday-ness. I love dressing up. I love feeling like I look great. I love seeing other people dressing in a way that makes them look amazing and brings out their greatest self. I have felt like that’s dumb for a while — fashion is stupid! only vain people care what they wear! — but actually that’s BS and I know it. So I am embracing it.
Here is my new project/exercise to shake out of this funk, to start making things again, to explore whole-heartedly my own PowerSuit in a way I haven’t fully fleshed out before. I will make one PowerSuit costume a week from now until an indeterminate time. I imagine a year. But I’m going to start with a month. These costumes continue my past PowerSuit projects (Camp, Boutique, various workshops & sculptures) but are more personal, more sculptural. I want to make costumes based on whatever I’m feeling or going through that week. Like autobiographical documents of my year. I want to loosen up, make Suits out of crazy stuff, not necessarily finish everything, try out lots of new ideas. I want to express myself and be vulnerable in a new way, through costume.
Hold me accountable world! I am looking forward to sharing these creations and my year with you.
p.s. what is a PowerSuit?